Despite always being surrounded by a plethora of friends (or people who seem to not hate me) I’ve always kind of had a loud mouth. I’ve always said what was on my mind without any any real regard for what repercussions might arise because hey, it’s the truth, even if it sucks, so don’t shoot the messenger okay?.

Regarding this personality trait of mine, my husband recently referred to me as both a “firecracker” and a “loose cannon” in the same day. I asked him if that was a compliment or not.

“I’m not sure,” he replied. And my stomach twisted a little bit.

Up to that point, I would have liked to believe that maybe this flaw is just part of my seemingly unending charm ( 😀 ) but that all changed when I was having coffee with a sweet, deeply introverted friend of mine a few months ago. When discussing our personality differences in this area, she said, “I just don’t ever want to speak unless what’s about to come out of my mouth is more beautiful than silence.”

And that kind of wrecked me. As Spider-Man teaches us, with great power comes great responsibility and similarly, with the ability to speak your mind also comes the discernment to know whether or not what you’re about to say is worth a damn.

As a boisterous, loud- (and typically foul-) mouthed, extroverted spirit through and through, it’s been really hard to feel comfortable being myself in this way lately, if I’m honest. Whenever I get fired up and feel entitled to spout off about something, a bit of shame creeps in and keeps me from doing so.

Is this a correct reaction? No, but every time you change, it’s going to be met with discomfort for a while until it isn’t foreign anymore.

Today a friend of mine shared some bible verses with me that really convicted me in this area so, of course, I’m going to share them with you so if you’re like me you can feel bad about yourself too.

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:29-32

Yeah I’m the worst. But I’m working on it.

tuesday tip — communicate.


For some reason, I was born without a thing called a “filter.” What that means for me is that if a thought comes to my mind, there isn’t anything between it and my mouth. A filter is manned by something called “restraint,” and nothing about that word sounds good to me. (I equate the word “restraint” with the words “Oreos are a sometimes food” and I just don’t believe that.) As a communicator, I don’t mind this all that much. I don’t like to be left alone with my own thoughts. Merely thinking is too solitary. Too lonely. I don’t like to be alone. I want to be around people all the time. Speaking is one half of communicating, and communicating is inclusive.

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you’re probably aware that my anti-filter is especially evident. Even if I’m pissed off. Or sad. Or frustrated. If I’m thinking it, you’re reading it.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that on my blog, I can create a filter. The backspace key allows for that. You are absolutely right. But here’s my question to you: why?

When I first started this blog, I elected to be as conversational as possible. That would mean, for me, holding nothing back. And that scared the living crap out of me. Spouting off everything that crosses my mind to my friends is one thing — putting it on the Internet for six billion people to read? Yikes. That’s a whole different can of worms. When I posted my first post, it was my assumption that anyone who happened across my blog would read it for five minutes tops before indifferently navigating to another page. I mean, let’s be honest, here — it’s not like I’m blogging about rocket science. The issues I write about are issues a lot of people already think about. I’m no revolutionary. And so, I created this blog, all the while accepting the fact that no one would probably care about it or communicate back.

Uh, wow. I couldn’t have been more wrong about this. I’ve gotten emails. Facebook messages. Stops on the street. The other side of the conversation has erupted. People aren’t just thinking about these issues anymore. They’re talking about them, too. In offices. In coffee shops. In bars. With friends. To me.

And so…


Do you think you look great today? Talk about it. Did you have a body-image meltdown last night because your “skinny” jeans don’t fit right? Talk about it. Do you hate hearing your friend say she’s fat and ugly all the time? Talk about it. I know it can be absolutely terrifying to share what is on your heart, be it joyful or morose, but that doesn’t get us anywhere. Nothing has ever been changed before someone opened up and talked about it.

This past week I stumbled across a Swedish proverb that states, “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” And I fully believe that. If you’re having one of those days where your self-love meter is off the chart, tell someone about it. Let them rejoice with you in your victory. Likewise, if you find yourself struggling to get through the day without thinking negatively about yourself, reach out to a friend. Let them lighten the load for you. A self-love journey is personal, yes. But real transformation happens when we allow enough room in our lives to others in.