you don’t have to defend yourself.

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of my friends posting articles on Facebook titled things like, Reasons Why It’s Okay That I’m a Working Mom, or, I Didn’t Go To College and That’s Okay, or, Why Being in My Twenties and Not Married or With Children is THE BEST. (By the way, don’t go Googling those titles. They’re not the ACTUAL titles. I didn’t want to cite the real articles because that’s not the point.)

I have read a couple (particularly the ones that validated my own personal life choices/position in life) and I have rolled my eyes at some of them (particularly the ones that went against my own personal life choices).

The most recent one I came across was about how being my age and having no kids or no husband was TOTALLY OKAY and how the writer was sick of the expectation that, just because of her age, she should be sporting a gold wedding band and a diaper bag. And it made my stomach sink a little bit because as I was reading it I felt a little bit self-concsious because I am.


My knee-jerk reaction was to post a blog that was all, Hey! I’m married and have a baby at 27 and you know what? It’s not only OKAY but it’s also GREAT and AWESOME and I LOVE IT but then I stopped myself and thought…

I don’t have to defend myself.

And neither do you.

All of these articles are floating around to serve one of two purposes: 1. to validate or 2. to defend. But either way, they all tend to perpetuate the idea that you are only worth what you do/don’t do/choose/don’t choose. 

So I’m here to tell you something else.

Whether you went to college or didn’t, graduated high school or didn’t, got married or haven’t, got divorced or haven’t, have kids or don’t want kids, homeschool or don’t, are vegan or aren’t, love something or hate it… whether you think you’re “there” yet or you know you’re not, it doesn’t matter.

You don’t have to defend yourself. Because you are you, and that is enough.

So let that be enough.

10 thoughts on “you don’t have to defend yourself.

  1. Love this blog. I was having some issues at work recently and hashing things out with my parents and friends I kept on saying, ‘You know what though, I don’t have to defend myself.’ It felt so good to say that. It also felt mature. That I am old enough and confident enough to know that I don’t need others to help me validate myself.

    • man that’s tough. i’m glad you were able to come to that conclusion though! good for you! i bet it was so nice to release that.

      i have to say though, now that i’m a parent, i can see how parents can do that. like, there will always be a part of me that will think dax is still a baby. so i’ll really have to watch it when he’s an adult who makes his own choices. LIFE IS HARD MAN.

  2. Wow! You go girl! I love this post. All that junk has always bugged me about people. When I was married the first time, my husband and I had the “stigma” of not being able to have children. Back then I was about your age, maybe a little younger. I really let it get to me! Then after being divorced and remarrying at 34, I had my first child at 36. And I still seemed to catch flack from people. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who isn’t happy about the choices OTHERS make; oh well! I ain’t here to make anyone else happy, that’s for dang sure! If my own choices don’t make me happy, that’s my own fault. But if other people’s choices don’t make me happy, oh well!! The sooner people learn they cannot control others, the better. And no one has to allow themselves to BE controlled by others either!

  3. Great post! I’ve spent a lot of my life defending the choices that I have made…people said I was “too young” to get married, “too poor” to have kids, “too smart” to become a teacher (yeah, I still don’t get that one!!!). It’s tiring and we shouldn’t have to do it. I’m still married 25 years later, and have raised 2 great kids who are now in college. I eventually made some money, and I’m still pretty smart 🙂

    • hey good for you! also, too smart to be a teacher? ugh, the world needs brilliant, passionate teachers like you! thanks for what you are doing! 🙂 and keep up the great work!

  4. Well said. It’s sad that the world makes us feel that we have to defend our choices, yet in the end it really doesn’t matter. It just matters who we are inside not whether or not we went to college, got married, had kids etc. Thanks for this post. I needed to hear it today.

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