tuesday tip — finding your sexy when you’re ______.

Disclaimer: So, this is my blog, after all. And this is the stuff I’m currently struggling through. If reading it makes you feel weird, sorry. You don’t have to read it. I won’t be offended.

The other day I came across this fabulous article that pretty much sums up every thing I’ve been struggling with lately as far as body image and self-love goes. If you don’t have time to read it, the title speaks for itself:

Who gets to be sexy? Is it me?

I’ve kind of touched on the subject before here and here but, sadly, I currently don’t feel like I’m one of those people who “gets” to be sexy. My husband and I have had several conversations recently (even creating a document about the mental blocks I have and the steps I need to take to overcome them) to try and get to the root of this problem (including, but not limited to: my past, including my ex who sexually abused me, my history with my eating disorder, etc.) and while these reasons are valid, I’m sick of them.

In my head, I think, I’ve always assumed that once I hit certain self-proclaimed milestones then (and only then) could I “get” to be sexy.

  • When I reach my goal weight.
  • When my face finally stops breaking out.
  • When I can figure out how to apply make up and not look like a circus clown.
  • When I learn how to properly curl my hair.
  • When I…
My husband, who is so sweet and wonderful and always trying to help, brought something to my attention the other day:
Dan: “Did you see the lady in front of us in line at Wal-Mart?”
Me: “No.”
Dan: “Oh. Well. She was at least double your size everywhere and was buying lingerie. I thought that if she could do it, you could, too.”
Under normal circumstances, I would have probably considered the legitimacy of his observation. But because I’m hormonal and crazy, I went home, drew myself a bath, and cried in it for an hour.
It seems like it’s only getting worse for me as I get rounder. This is probably shocking to you, but feeling sexy while pregnant is proving to be almost impossible for me. I know, I know. I didn’t see that one coming, either. Lindsay can’t feel sexy when she’s not pregnant? What do you mean she can’t feel sexy when she is? *Heavy eye roll.*

I’ve been searching for ways to try and rectify this. Really, the only solution I’ve come up with is only letting my husband touch me in the morning when it’s still dark since, at that point, I haven’t spent an entire day staring at my gigantic belly and focusing on how “matronly” and “not-sexy” it is.

But then (of course, while I’m struggling with this) Jessica Simpson (who has been pregnant for roughly three years it feels like) comes out totally butt naked on the cover of Elle like she owns the joint. And my husband goes ahead and says that it’s sexy.


Okay, world. I get it. It’s possible to be sexy while overweight. And it’s possible to be sexy while pregnant. So why am I still completely lacking in this department?

Oh that’s right — because the problem isn’t my body; it’s my mind.


I know not all of you are pregnant. And I know that not all of you struggle with “sexiness” in particular. But maybe it’s confidence. Maybe it’s spark. Maybe it’s being outgoing. But, if you’re like me, and you have this little part inside you that, for whatever reason, can’t come out because you’re currently _____ (fill in the blank for whatever that is: pregnant, over your goal weight, not making enough money, whatever) I’m here to tell you that your circumstance is not your problem.

It’s your mind.

I don’t have all the answers on how to change your mind (because if I did, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have this blog) but here are some things that have worked for me so far:

1. be intentional.

Make an effort. When you think to yourself that you can’t be sexy, just think immediately afterwards, “That’s not true. I can be and am sexy.” It will be awkward and weird at first. But be intentional about it.

2. be persistent.

You can’t change your paradigm overnight. It will take some time. Commit to it because, in the end, it will be so worth it (or so I think).

3. be patient.

With yourself! Know that some days, you’ll be on fire. You’ll be a sex goddess, even! But know that, even still, there will be some days when you feel frumpy and gross and some innocent Wal-Mart shopper is gonna show up at the register with cute lingerie and make you cry in a bathtub and you’re just going to have to let that be okay.

What is your “sexy” that you’re striving toward? Please don’t say I’m alone in this!

11 thoughts on “tuesday tip — finding your sexy when you’re ______.

  1. This post reminds me of a few days ago when you said “half marathon runners are sexy”

    damn right they are, and that’s probably the first thing I will think about when I cross the finish line!

  2. I am a few years older than you and I guess that gives me a different perspective. I just realized, like you, that I was the one deciding I didn’t get to be sexy. I realized that even if I lose some weight I am always getting older, and things are going to only go downhill from here. Believe it or not that made me feel better. I figure I might as well enjoy what I got and deal with what comes later when it gets here. You can do it! Also- don’t forget being pregnant can make you legit crazy!!

    • I agree with your “enjoy what I got” mentality…looking back to my “younger days” I am amazed at how attractive I really was/am but let all the miniscule things make me feel less than desirable, like it wasn’t “okay” to be OK with “me”- I think that’s what society teaches, discontentment at whatever life stage you are in. I don’t want to spend my whole life nervously trying to fix everything I think needs “work” especially when most of it I have neither the budget to correct or the control!

      I don’t want and look back and say “I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone”…I want to just appreciate myself at every stage. And even though right now the pregnant stage is making me feel self conscious in a lot of ways I’m trying to appreciate that I can even BE pregnant! (I’m with you on the “legit crazy” thing too; I seriously AM!)

  3. I’m not allowed to say what I want to say because Robots will escort me off of the planet. But sometimes, even though I am slightly overweight, I do my little sexy dance and when I’m brushing my teeth I’m all “Hot and Dangerous! If you’re one of us then roll with us – got Jesus on my necklace-ace-ace-ace.”

    That’s how I roll homie.

  4. Good tips and thoughts. Thanks for sharing. I have really struggled this pregnancy more than my first to feel sexy when I want/need to. It’s easy for our husbands to say, “But you are…” but unless we can feel it and wrap our heads and hearts around that fact, all the compliments in the world fall on deaf ears. Not saying its right..just that it is.
    BTW, yes Jessica Simpson is gorgeous, pregnant or not, sporting extra weight or not…but she is SERIOUSLY airbrushed on that cover. She was recently on Ellen and she is way heavier than what she appears on the cover. She is till gorgeous and I’m glad she can be confident..but it’s easy to do with stylists and photoshop..
    So, add one tip: Don’t compare yourself to anyone, except the image of beauty that God is creating in you…especially not airbrushed magazine covers!

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