Over the past week, my husband Dan and I have been in an argument. Don’t worry — it’s not a really bad one, and we’re not going to divorce over it, but it’s one that bears talking about on my blog, I guess, despite it being extremely embarrassing for me.
Dan: “You’re sexy.”
Me: “No, I’m not. I’m awkward and weird.”
Dan: “You’re only awkward and weird because you say you’re awkward and weird. If you said you were sexy, you’d believe it, too.”
Me: “No, because I’m not. I’m awkward and weird. End of story.”
Disclaimer: I apologize to those of you (my mom, my pastors, anyone who happens to interact with Dan and I on a daily basis, etc.) who read this blog and are now barfing in your mouths over my husband calling me sexy. Just mentally change the word to “awesome” or “smart” or “really good at everything” or something in order to ease your discomfort.
The result of this argument is never me feeling sexy. If anything, I feel worse — that is, less sexy and more awkwardly weird — than I did previously. Our arguments typically make my opinion (whether it’s wrong or not) stronger, and, presumably, Dan’s as well. And then, the following morning, I get out of bed and look in the mirror (ugh, stupid mirrors) and cringe at how strange and unsexy I am.
TODAY’S SELF-LOVE TIP: BEWARE OF SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES.
It’s no secret that the more we tell ourselves we are something, the more likely it is to come true (at least to us.) The more often we look in the mirror and say to ourselves, “I’m not pretty, I’m ugly,” or, “I’m not smart, I’m stupid,” etc., the harder it will be for us to believe anything else.
But the good news about this is that it works the opposite way, too. Could you imagine what your days would be like if you woke up every morning and looked at your reflection and said something like, “I am intelligent. I am talented. I am beautiful. I am loved.”? I imagine that, though strange at first, it would dramatically change things over time.
So you know what I did?
I painted my nails red. And put on some cute underwear. And, this morning, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, I am sexy. Just saying it made me feel a little bit sexier. Not totally sexy and not not awkward and weird, mind you, but a baby step in the right direction, I reckon.
Let’s try this together, shall we? While I work on being sexy, how do you want to see yourself? What self-fulfilling prophecies do you want to come true about yourself?
2 thoughts on “tuesday tip — self-fulfilling prophecies.”
so true! great post
Sounds EXACTLY like some of the arguments my husband and I have repeatedly had over the last nine years! Him telling me I’m sexy, beautiful, smart, funny….and me firmly denying it, then accusing him of just being nice followed by an insult that’s always directed at myself! The roll my eyes, mutter “whatever” then start pointing out all my flaws he’s obviously missing! I heard a psychologist say recently that it takes 1,000 atta girls to undo ONE negative whether self directed or coming from someone else in our life. It’s so much easier to believe everything that’s wrong than to even comprehend that something positive could dwell within us. It really upsets my husband when I’m so mean to myself and sometimes I’m not even aware that I’m doing it! I have to stop myself and intercept whatever negative comes to mind and replace it with a more positive self affirming thought! It’s really been Ted’s goal to get me to see myself in a different way, to replace the old negative programming with what he and others see as the reality of who I am! It’s a process and it can be downright painful and uncomfortable to look at yourself and replace the automatic flaw finding, negative self reflections! There are ah ha moments where I look at myself and think wow, I really like my eyes today or I look beautiful or even sexy today! I try more now than ever to hang on to those moments and really make an effort to look for them instead of pointing out every flaw! Our husbands see our beauty and in their eyes we’re sexy in every way! They see what we don’t and I’m glad they do!