tuesday tip — find a mentor.

Hey diet cokers. How was your weekend? Good? Fantastic?
Mine was pretty crappy to be real with you. Dan and I were going through some stuff and blah blah blah marriage is like sandpaper and makes you better but it kind of hurts a little bit blah blah blah BUT. There was one blinding highlight: I got an email over the weekend that rocked my world.

I was asked to be someone’s mentor.

And not just anyone’s mentor. Someone whom I’ve known personally for AT LEAST a decade, informally for longer, whom I adore and admire immensely. Someone beautiful. Someone intelligent. Someone I hold in extremely high regard.

While I’ve never been asked to be a mentor before, (I feel like I’ve been invited to be this person’s date to a responsible-adults-only prom or something, naturally themed “Getting Our Shit Together!”) I’ve asked countless other women (in not so many words) to mentor me and I honestly never thought I’d be on the other side of that equation. I always assumed my history is too blemished, my present too pock-marked, to actually make a difference in someone else’s life. But getting that email was like watching the wild train of my insecurities come to a screeching halt. My words and input actually matter to someone else. So much so, that they’ve asked me to intentionally pour more of them into their daily life. Wowzers.


Again, I’m no expert on this “mentoring” thing. I’ve only been doing it for, oh, roughly three days so far (via just as many emails, probably.) But, like I said, I have plenty of experience being a mentee. And with the right mentor (no pressure, Self) it can be so unbelievably life-changing.

So. How do you find a mentor?

First of all, you’ve got to have some sort of relationship established. You can’t (or, rather, you shouldn’t) just sit in a coffee shop and people watch until a particularly “mentor-ish” person walks in and then ambush them with a free cup of joe and say, “Hey, I bought you this coffee, will you sit and drink it with me while I tell you about my life and the ways I’d like to grow?”

As well as being a relational connection, this should be a trustworthy person. Don’t seek out someone you aren’t sure isn’t going to spill your beans. Similarly, you should be able to trust that, if they agree to mentor you, they will hold up their end of the bargain and not totally disappoint you.

Finally (this might seem like “duh” but whatever) choose someone you wish to emulate. Someone whose life choices are those you would like to make. It’s always good to like your mentors, but if you choose on simply based on the fact that they’re fun to hang out with, you should reevaluate your goals for that relationship. If you just want to hang out and have a good time, just be closer friends with that person! It will still be beneficial to you. But if you desire personal growth and challenge, seek out someone whose life you’d be proud to call your own.

2 thoughts on “tuesday tip — find a mentor.

  1. Your words and input don’t just matter to me. They have weight and meaning and, most of all, love behind them. Do you remember a few years ago, probably right before you got involved with Dan, when we went to Ibar while I was in DeLand and I was basically a mess but tried to keep it together? I got a feeling then that we were both suffering, side by side, but still didn’t have the tools to talk about it. Now we have the tools to talk about it and to grow. You are helping to change my life, Lindsay D, and I’m honored that you think it’s worthy of your time and attention.


    • hmmm do i remember that.

      OH WAIT. YES I DO. i think about it a lot actually, because i think it was the last time we really saw each other! after that, i ran off to london, then back to tallahassee, met dan… you ran back to gville then DC!

      i’d just gotten my right side wisdom teeth out and went to a bar because, well, that makes sense. (ugh. painkillers + alcohol? what was i thinking.) facebook rules/sucks sometimes. haha.

      and oh, how right you were. i was such a mess too. the hottest of messes. but i, like you, didn’t know how to talk about it. or face it in any sort of capacity. i just hoped that i could pile a bunch of stuff on top of it and that would eventually hide all my mess from the world but, more importantly, myself. oh how wrong wrong wrong.

      and oh dear, you are changing MY life as well. you are such a blessing to me. you enrich my life everyday, even before this whole “mentor” thing. your spirit is warm, uplifting, and contagious. you’ve always been so beautiful inside.

      love you so much. xoxo.

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