the importance of support.

The best thing about being married is knowing I get to spend most of my time with someone who knows me inside and out.

The worst thing about being married is knowing someone knows me inside and out.

Someone knows me inside and out and still chooses to fall asleep next to me each night. Wow. That’s pretty rad.

After every blog post I publish, I always ask my husband what he thinks (mostly because I think he’s a much better writer than I am.) Not only do I hope he appreciates my writing skills (or lack thereof) but his thoughts on women and self-love are so important to me. Of course his opinion matters — he’s my love; but it also intrigues me because he’s a dude. And I write about things that most dudes wouldn’t want to read.

But he’s married to a self-love warrior. And that means he’s fighting a battle, too.

While he’s definitely immersed with me in the war against self-hate, he’s not on “the front lines” with me. He’s in the background, tossing me ammo and armor and encouragement, hoping I get out of each battle alive.

So. I asked him to weigh in on the subject. And he obliged. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: His blog post is way more “Lindsay centered” than I thought it would be. It’s hard to read and then publish something that someone wrote about me and not feel like a total douche.

Photo Credit: Ashley Poole Photography

What could I possibly have to write to my wife’s readers? She’s the self-love warrior. She’s the one pursuing domestic diva status. She’s the one that fights against the evils of a waffling Victoria’s Secret ad campaign and against a society that markets “diet” things mostly to perfectly proportional women. She’s the one who hogties the lies of a Photoshop-addicted “beauty” industry like Wonder Woman with her lasso of truth.

I’m just the husband. What do I matter?

Today Lindsay and I had lunch with a friend who wanted advice on how to help another friend of his through a time of self-doubt. He said that Lindsay’s perspective matters because she’s been through something like it, and he said that my perspective matters because I was there to help and support.

“Help” and “support.” That’s about all the advice I have to offer in this post.

Lindsay’s journey over the three years we’ve been together (half of that time, married) has been nothing short of epic. She has gone from a college girl who thought all she had to offer men was her body to a woman who fights everyday to believe the truth that she is beautiful and valuable simply because of who she is, not what she does.

And that journey has mostly been hers. If awards were being handed out, she’d be nominated for Best Actress, and I might be lucky enough to get a nod for Best Supporting Actor. (And, let’s not forget, God would be the landslide winner in Best Original Screenplay for Lindsay’s Life.)

If I have played any role in Lindsay’s (continuing) transformation, it’s that I’ve helped her by confronting her with the truth and supported her in her “Lindsayness.” Though I haven’t been anything near perfect in these pursuits, I think Lindsay would agree that everyone who takes up the fight against an oppressive, misogynistic society needs a strong support system.

Every day, the monster fights; some days, it wins. That can be quite exhausting, and I know that my role is to show Lindsay how much I love her for who she is: her curves, her soft skin, her beautiful blue eyes, her determination to run a half-marathon, her humor, her smile, etc., etc. etc.

On the days when my wife wants to give in to the pressure to lose too much weight, to be a size 00, to wear too much make-up (which is “any,” in my opinion), or to be “Playboy perfect,” I have to tell her—and sometimes rather aggresively—a resounding “no.” I have to say to her that that is not what I want, that is not what God wants, and none of that is necessary for her to be worthy of anyone’s love.

Lindsay has picked a fight with a slew of relentless lies about her, her womanhood, and her sexuality. These lies don’t get tired, but she does. And that’s why she needs help and support.the importance of support.

My hope is that you, her readers, will join Lindsay in this noble fight and prepare for the hard days by finding someone to help support you with resilient love.

I’m not perfect, but I believe in my wife, and I believe in anyone else who is smart enough to fight these lies!

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10 thoughts on “the importance of support.

  1. I am with in this fight, because I too have struggled with self-love and many things I’ve read you’ve had to go through in your blod.

  2. Hey it let me post! Cool! Now I forgot what I was going to say…
    So let me just say this: Lins you are beautiful on the outside and on the inside (which is more important), and Dan you are awesome! Love you both!

  3. Lindsay and Dan, what a brilliant collaboration! I love your blog, Say, and its honesty mixed with brilliant talent and insight. I can’t wait to meet your husband and feel sure I will someday soon.

    I’m shamelessly promoting my blog now that I’m forcing myself to write in it regularly. I feel having reader(s) will keep me on it. So here it is!
    http://booksaremyboyfriend.blogspot.com

    LOVE YOU!

  4. Pingback: when other people don’t get it. « fueled by diet coke

  5. Pingback: things i love thursday! (may 12, 2011) « fueled by diet coke

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