Tag Archives: kids

the darnedest things.

The church where I work also has a private school onsite. My good friend Corri, who dyed my hair red, works as a teacher’s assistant there and asked me to swing by the lunchroom during lunch so she could check out how my hair turned out after washing it last night.

As she was checking out my tresses, one of the girls called out to her.

“Ms. Corri, is that your mom?”

“What?” we both shouted. My mouth fell agape. Corri quickly followed up with, “Does she really LOOK like my mom?”

The girl nodded.

“HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?” I was shocked.

“I don’t know, like 24?”

“Okay,” I laughed, “so If I’m 24, how old is Ms. Corri? Like 12?”

“Yeah.”

“Well. Okay. Sure then. I’m her mom.”

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top five ways to keep your kid asleep.

Last week I wrote about all the secrets to waking your kid up from a nap. But I couldn’t do that in good faith without also sharing with you the ways I help my kid stay asleep. Sleep training be darned! Here are the real ways to turn your babe into a professional DreamWeaver.

dax_epic_nap

TOP FIVE WAYS TO KEEP YOUR KID ASLEEP:

  1. Have an appointment you can’t miss. I know you haven’t seen the dentist since your last baby tooth fell out, but your kid is sleeping so very soundly in his crib and you don’t want to wake him up just for that, now, do you? Your cavities can wait. Unless your teeth fall out on their own first, in which case you don’t have to worry about dental bills!
  2. Rock your baby to sleep in such a way that, when they’re finally asleep, you’re really uncomfortable. Don’t you dare sit down. You know the second you do, your baby will wake up. You better figure out how to hold twenty pounds absolutely still while standing, possibly leaning awkwardly, in the middle of your baby’s nursery.
  3. Be very hungry, but also grocery-less. If you’re waiting for your kid to wake up from his nap before you venture out into the world to finally feed yourself for the first time in 24 hours, get cozy on that couch, Mama. This is the once-in-a-blue-moon time that your baby will take a two-, possibly three-hour nap. Good news, though. You can probably take your own nap in this instance, if your hunger pangs aren’t too much to bear.
  4. On a road trip, have to pee. If you’ve ever been on a road trip with an infant, you know the drill. If they’re awake, they’re screaming outbursts of displeasure at the thought of being in their car seat that long. But the second their tired little eyelids FINALLY close, your bladder will be the one ready to burst. Dare you stop to pee and risk waking your child? Nah. Just wait until they inevitably wake up LOLOLOLOLOL THEY WON’T.
  5. Let your kid fall asleep at a time during the day that is sure to screw with their sleep schedule. Starting a nap at 6pm? Sure. Why not! They probably won’t wake up ready to start their day at 2AM. Probably.

That’s all I’ve got.

How do you keep your kid asleep?

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Filed under baby love, gushes, life