If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I absolutely love Jon Acuff’s writing. I look up to this dude for so many reasons. Not only is he a compelling storyteller but, through his first blog, Stuff Christians Like, he’s been able to raise the money to fund all kinds of humanitarian relief efforts, like building two (TWO!) kindergartens in Vietnam.
Today, he wrote an interesting post on his other blog about how when a blogger’s Internet persona appears perfect, readers will lose interest. It makes sense if you think about it — no one can relate to a perfect person because no perfect people exist. Even in my own life, I’ve had to stop reading blogs because the writers seemed to have flawless lives. I’d compare my behind the scenes footage to their highlight reel and feel too awful about myself to keep reading. (I am SO TEMPTED to mention one in particular that can’t POSSIBLY be real, but, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, AMIRITE?!)
And so, after reading that post, I started thinking — is this me? Do I do this? Do I blog about all the great things and leave the crappy things in my life hidden?
Since I’m not an unbiased reader of my own blog (ha) I can’t really make that call. But! I can be intentional from here on out and post more honest, more raw, more real content. And, mind you, this isn’t just so I don’t lose readers. (Although seriously, don’t leave me, my insecurity can’t handle it.) This is all about being real.
All that to say, I blow it. A lot. Recently, I blew it big time.
SourceAfter our bible study, we all like to hang out and shoot the breeze about life. Last time, Eric, Emily, and myself were all standing in a circle. I’m not sure what was said (I probably just stashed it away in my fail-odex so, don’t worry, I’ll find it later) but my reply to that word/phrase/question/whatever was a heartfelt and grunty, “DAMNIT.”
With 13-year-old Emily and her dad standing right there. RIGHT AFTER, YOU KNOW, STUDYING THE BIBLE TOGETHER. Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeallidoiswin.
I apologized to Eric and he responded in love and grace because he’s like, a PASTOR and junk. But I still beat myself up over that one for a day or so. (Let’s be serious — I’m still beating myself up over it.)
So. There you have it. I’m pretty awful sometimes. My mouth has always gotten me in trouble. And then, when I get in trouble, I punish myself for days on end. It’s so unfortunate.
Oh, and um, let’s not forget the oh-so-frequent-and-undoubtedly-unattractive nervous breakdowns I experience.
But hey! Then I look in my bad day file and life’s good again, dig?
The point of this hodgepodge, poorly constructed, intentionally-unedited-to-prove-a-point blog post is that IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT.
Say it with me, now, one more time with feeling!
a clarification.
Yo. Readers. Sup.
I get a lot of comments on my blog, both in the actual comments section and on Facebook, that are really encouraging. Stuff like, “OMG don’t feel bad about yourself! You are great! You are lovely! Don’t worry about pleasing other people!” And so on and so forth. Very uplifting, very sweet, and very much what I need to hear sometimes.
But I need you all to know something.
I don’t write this blog to fish for encouragement. That is not my intention at all.
At this point in my self-love journey, I get all the encouragement I need from my own self-talk, the people closest to me, mentors, my faith and prayer time, and all the bags of salt and vinegar chips I can get my hands on. Fear not! I am not lacking in that department at all. I write this blog because I want to normalize and talk about the very real insecurities a lot of us women have that, for whatever reason, we feel the need to cover up most of the time. I write to point out what is real and what is true so that everyone who stumbles across my little corner of the internet can heavily EXHALE and think, “Thank goodness I’m not the only one.”
That’s really it.
Don’t get me wrong — this is not to say that I don’t enjoy your comments. I really really do. They bring me life and joy and peace. So keep them coming if you so wish. I just don’t want you to think that if you don’t comment on my blog a rebuttal to every satirical self-deprecating post I write, I’ll jump off the nearest bridge. Don’t worry. I won’t.
Unless the nearest bridge crosses over a river of chocolate. In which case, well… I can’t make any promises.
Mmmm. River of chocolateeeee…
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