Category Archives: reasons my husband rocks

partnership.

Well guys, I am now officially full time at the church which is a HUGE financial blessing (miscarrying a child in an emergency room without insurance isn’t cheap, y’all — just a heads up from yours truly). I’m also still able to do about half my job from home so we really only need a bit of finagling to make childcare for Dax work.

Today took quite a bit of juggling; Dan and I both did half our days at home (mine in the morning, his in the afternoon) so that we could both get all of our work done and Dax could be well cared for.  While it did take a bit of logistical brainpower to make the day work, it did work, and Dax was happy all day. (Went to bed early, even!)

I am so very grateful to have such a great husband and parenting partner. Dan is so supportive of my endeavors and I try to be of his, and we are both on the same page when it comes to bringing up Dax. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always workable when you have such an awesome partner.

Thanks for being you, Dan.

Oh and here’s a gratuitous adorable picture of my baby sleeping because duh. (It took everything in me not to crawl into that crib and snuggle with him when I snapped this picture.)

1456118_10103821162546473_1064924515_n

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second chances.

This week I had to write a blog for my job about the idea of forgiveness — namely the difficulty of forgiving ourselves — and, I think, when I wrote it I sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

Check it out and let me know what you think. I’ll wait.

Then this weekend happened and my husband and I got into a fight that started because I don’t know how to give myself a break. The biggest reason that sucks is because it put me into a funk too strong to break through to blog.

So today, on this quiet Sunday, I am grateful for second chances and for a husband whose memory is so bad that he only has to remember the most recent chance he gave me to get this wife thing right.

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things i love thursday! (marriage edition.)

Four years ago today I married my favorite person in the entire world — this guy.

dan

In some ways, I can’t believe it’s ONLY been four years. In other ways, it feels like we’ve only been married for a minute and a half.

Either way, I love being married to this guy. So today’s TILT is for him. If that makes you hurl, sorry! Feel free to click the X in the top corner.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING MARRIED (TO DAN IN PARTICULAR):

  • When we go on dates, I typically take off my makeup first, not because I’ve “let myself go” but because he prefers my bare face. (Sup, zits.)
  • This morning, right after we woke up, I demanded (seriously) that he make us pancakes. And he got right up and did it.
  • He has a beard which I never thought I’d like but now I do. (Don’t shave it!)
  • Because he’s such a reckless sleeper, we don’t use a flat sheet because it just (somehow?) ends up in a weird, knotted mess at the foot of the bed. HOORAY, LESS LAUNDRY!
  • He also refuses to buy new underwear (“It doesn’t matter if there are holes in them… they still work!”) so, again, HOORAY LESS LAUNDRY!
  • He gets up in the middle of the night for both Dax AND me, with very little complaining.
  • If I text him, “COME HOME WITH BEER PLZ  I HAD A HARD DAY MUST DRINK ALL THE DRINKS” he’s like, “You got it.”
  • His big ears and his fuzzy chest and his strong arms.
  • His laugh.
  • HE IS SUCH A NERD OMG IT ALMOST HURTS SOMETIMES.
  • Ask him what he’s doing at 2:30 on any given day and he will always tell you he’s going to be at the dentist. (Because it’s “tooth-hurty”.)
  • He loves to drive and I hate to drive so he always drives.
  • He has the worst memory of all time which is GREAT because it means he has no idea that we’ve ever had a fight. (We have, by the way.)
  • He’s so ridiculously in love with me. Like, it really doesn’t make sense.
  • He can make our baby giggle like no one else.
  • He always puts us first.
  • Except for Spider-Man.

Happy anniversary, Dan! Chant it with me, now! FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!

What do you love this week? 

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things i love thursday! (february 21, 2013)

I’m sorry for the lack of a TILT post last week. My life is like a Noxema commercial, y’all. I was too busy blogging about how to avoid buggin’ on Valentine’s Day.

CLEARLY I AM STILL ON A CLUELESS KICK AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

Anyway. Here’s a love letter I sent myself. Sort of.

dax_happy_collage

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Um. Is that picture not the cutest? I know, right? Don’t you wish you could hug him through the screen?
  • My best friend got engaged and asked me to be her matron of honor! So fun!
  • Imagine Dragons. I’ve been so into them lately. I am so mad at everyone who failed to inform me of them before now.
  • Catching up with good friends over lunch, even if the service was a bit slow. More time for chit-chat, I guess.
  • My breastfeeding support groups. Feeding a person with your body can be hard, y’all.
  • Mentorships over email.
  • Mexican food.
  • Dos Equis + lime. Holy delicious.
  • Beer in general, as always.
  • “Nipple” cookies.
  • Hating on the face-eating Krazy Kat Lady. (She has recently evolved to become even more evil.)
  • Candy. Lots and lots of candy.
  • My sweet Valentine’s Day date with my hubs.
  • Friends who agree to babysit last minute.
  • Being in a Harlem Shake video. Oh Lawd.
  • Champagne and Spider-Man valentines!
  • THIS. EVERY YEAR.
  • Nighttime snuggles with my little boy.
  • Bridal showers.
  • Getting a new breast pump from the government. Shout out, Obamacare! Who’s your boo?
  • Watching episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Hulu+.
  • See also: America’s Next Top Model. WHY DID NONE OF YOU CRAZIES TELL ME THAT AN FSU GIRL IS ON THIS CYCLE? I’ve only seen the first episode but I’m already betting homegirl doesn’t last long. #liptattoo
  • Getting to hang out with my mom this weekend.
  • Apples to Apples and In a Pickle. I LOVE WORD GAMES! Squeeeee!
  • Catching up with my favorite students.
  • New babies! Hi Joshua!
  • Putting off the chores in lieu of vegging on the couch with my man.
  • Making musical revelations over text message.
  • Five Guys.
  • Sushi.
  • A year after we got robbed, we finally bought me a MacBook! YAY! It’s used and five years old but, apart from a dead battery and CD drive it works and it’s new to me! It is shipping out this week. Holla!
  • My friends.
  • My family, both biological and not.
  • You.

What do you love this week?

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failure: lies vs. truth.

Most of you know that my son is pastor’s kid (or a PK to those in the circle, WHADDUP CHURCH FOLK? HOLLA AT A GIIIIRL.). Whenever we’re at church, my kid is rarely in my arms. There is usually a line of eager baby-holders behind my kid so long it rivals those at communion tables. And I am usually pretty quick to hand him over because hello he’s adorable and I happen to find peace in the fact that he doesn’t cry when people in my community who didn’t have anything to do with him coming to exist love on him.

But this weekend, someone remarked on this phenomenon in such a way that lit up all the bulbs on my insecurity light board.

“Every time I see Dax, he’s with another woman. He’s going to grow up not knowing who his mother is.”

As offensive as that was, I assumed the person was joking because oh my word who actually says crap like that? Plus, I must say, this person is very dear to me and I know that my son and I are very dear to this person. So I chuckled to myself and made some incomprehensible comeback like, “Haha, yeah, he’s cute, people hold him, chunks, the face, he smells good, hahahahahaha snort.”

But it didn’t end there. The rest of the night, the person took it upon themselves to come to me and report whenever Dax was handed off.

“See? He’s with X person now. And now, he’s with Y person!”

Mmmmmkay. I thought. I get you. He’s a hot little potato right now. Okay. He’s the village bike or whatever.

The straw that broke the insecure mommy’s back, though, came later. My friend was holding Dax while I was standing there talking to her. When this person saw this, they jaunted over and bowed down to look my six-month-old baby in the eye and say, “See, Dax? Your mom is RIGHT THERE and still won’t hold you.”

It was about that time that I pryed Dax out of my sweet friend’s arms and bid the place adieu.

“Okay, y’all. That’s enough. That’s quite enough for me thanks. See you next week if I haven’t been turned in to DCF yet for neglect! lolololol”

Again, I must reiterate, I really adore this person and they adore my family. They are very nice. And probably not menacing in the least. But sometimes, people say things that are unintentionally hurtful.

Since then, I’ve been a walking wreck, questioning every move I make as a mom. And, because it’s just the way I am wired, it’s making me question my abilities everywhere else, too.

Am I sucking as a wife? A writer? A human being in general? Probably. No one has said such things but I bet it’s only a matter of time before someone barges into my house, looks my husband in the eye and says, “See, Dan? Your wife is RIGHT THERE and she’s not, like, cooking you dinner right this second or having some crazy monkey sex with you or WHATEVER I DON’T EVEN KNOW SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES, SO YOU BETTER REGULATE SONNNN.”

Ugh.

The past few nights I’ve been lamenting these fears to my poor husband (husband (n): the dude who is contractually obligated to lie next to me each night and listen to me complain about nonsense) and, while he’s been sweetly encouraging in the touchy-feely sense — “Lindsay, you are such a great wife because EXAMPLE and you’re such a great mom because EXAMPLE and blah blah blah” — he’s also been super helpful in the logistical sense.

“What you need to do,” he suggested last night as I lie awash in a sea of my own tears LOL HYPERBOLE IS THE BEST, “is write down all the things you think you’re failing at right now. Then, take a good, hard look at each of them and figure out why you think you’re failing. What about those thoughts are true? What about them are lies? Once you know what’s true and what’s a lie, you’ll feel better and know how to tackle them.”

Well. I guess that’s why I married him. That and the crazy monkey sex.

I’ve found that 99% of the crap I’m worried about is based on lies. Whether it’s a lie someone told me at church — this person may be right about seeing Dax with lots of women during the day but there’s only one woman he clings to in the middle of the night and early in the morning when he really wants to be comforted and feel safe — or a lie I’ve told myself a thousand times — you suck at everything because you’re not like someone else — it’s just a matter of bringing myself back to center to focus on the truth.

I’m a good mom because:

  • my kid is alive and, like, not sick. Or alone. Or afraid of other people. 
  • I change his diaper when he poops in it. That’s gotta get me some points.
  • basically that’s it.

I’m a good wife because:

  • I try to love my husband the way that makes sense to him.
  • when I don’t quite hit the mark, I try again the next day.
  • basically that’s it.

Everything else? Everything else is a lie. And lies are stupid.

While we’re on the topic of lies being stupid — blondes don’t have more fun, okay? They just have more blonde. I would know.

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things i love thursday! (january 31, 2013)

Happy Thursday, friends! It’s the last day of the first month of 2013. We are 1/12 done with this year already. Wrap your brain around THAT mess. Anyhooooo…

Look! He’s so cute!

dax_bath_collage

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • The #overcomethelie Twitter party last night. We had so many participants spreading the truth about self-love. It was amazing! We ended the night trending at #4. Incredible.
  • Lionhart. I’ve been doing volunteer work for this organization for a while now and I couldn’t be more ecstatic about the things happening there. It’s amazing. Check it out here and spread the courage around!
  • Amazing and encouraging lunch meetings with friends and mentors.
  • Talking music, art, and the like.
  • Expanding my culinary expertise by way of pureeing my son’s baby food myself. (See also: humility.)
  • Watching good friends play live music.
  • Dax’s new “go-to” face. Not sure why he’s really into chewing on his bottom lip right now but it’s tres adorbs.
  • Reading lots and lots of books.
  • Tickle fights and laughter with my husband.
  • “Sesame Street” on Netflix. (YEAH I KNOW American Pediatrics Association, no screen time until Dax is two but can’t we please make an exception for Elmo?!)
  • Also football? I mean the SUPER BOWL is this weekend, you guys…
  • Emails from good friends with the phrase “TMI” in the subject line.
  • New babies! ACK!
  • Pretending to be a stay-at-home mom.
  • Ministry over coffee — both from me and TO me.
  • Nerding out over fonts.
  • My best friend.
  • My family.
  • My town.

What do YOU love this week?

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meeting milestones.

I know, I know, it’s Thursday and so I should be posting a TILT. But this week, a TILT list would actually be quite boring to read because all of the bullet points would say, “Dax did X” and “Dax loves Y” and “Dax this” and “Dax that” so really, despite my feeble attempts to not become a “mom blogger” (ugh) I should just write a proper blog post, shouldn’t I?

It would be cliche of me to lament about how “they grow up so fast” but SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS they grow up so fast. Check out this picture, for example. The image on the left is from when Dax was just a few days old. The one on the right was taken a couple weeks ago.

dax_on_chest

Remember how I was pregnant just yesterday? Like, seriously, the day before today I was pregnant. (Okay, maybe I wasn’t. Maybe, just maybe, it’s been longer than that. But it doesn’t feel like that.)

In two days, my baby boy will be six months old. Yes, you read that right. Six. Months. Half a year. I can’t believe it’s been six months since I brought my sweet little boy into this world and yet, at the same time, I can’t believe he’s only been here for six months. I can hardly imagine life without him here. As you can tell from the above photo, he’s been growing and changing ever since he was conceived, meeting milestones every couple weeks or so, making his dad and me so proud.

This week, however, my kid hit a handful of milestones in a matter of DAYS, leaving me breathless and struggling to keep up, sadly wondering, Where did my baby go?

First, at the beginning of this week, he started sitting up by himself.

dax_sitting_up

Fair enough. Babies around his age should start sitting up on their own. Fine.

Then, we noticed that he’s only waking once, if at all, to nurse at night. Wow. Sleeping through the night, like, for real now. Hmm. K.

Then, a couple nights ago, my husband and I recalled the sheet we got from Dax’s pediatrician that stated that a baby at this age he should have started eating solid foods by now. Still breastfed, sure, but with solids, too.

Ouch. Okay.

Which catapulted us into an intense discussion about How could we miss this? What have we been doing? Solids already? But he’s just a baby! He doesn’t even have teeth! Okay, so, we start this now then? What food do we give him first? Vegetables or rice cereal? Why rice cereal? It’s just refined carbohydrates. Can’t we jump straight into avocados? Is that even okay? But he’s just a baby!

A friend of mine told me that when we introduce solids it might be a good idea to also introduce a sippie cup (NOT A BOTTLE?!) of water at dinner time, just so that Dax gets used to the idea. When I told Dan this he blew up at me.

“We can’t do that! He’s too little for that!”

“No he’s not!” I argued.

“I’m Googling it!” After he looked it up on his phone, he scoffed triumphantly. “HA! See? He can’t have water until he’s six months old!”

“He’ll be six months old on SATURDAY.”

“Well, still!”

(It makes me feel good to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t want him to keep growing up.)

And finally, yesterday I went to pick Dax up from Dan the church. While Dan was strapping Dax into his infant car seat — the one in which he came home from the hospital — Dan stood up and told me, “We need a new car seat.”

I was dumbfounded. “A new car seat, ” I repeated as a sentence, not a question.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “He’s too big for this one.”

“He’s too big for this one,” I responded robotically.

Sitting up on his own. Sleeping through the night. Eating solids. Sippie cups of water. Too big for his car seat. Six months.

This week has just been too much for my mommy heart to handle.

The thing about hitting milestones is that you can’t unhit them. Once you know how to sit up on your own, you don’t need your mom to hold you up anymore. That’s it. You sit up. Once you know how to crawl, you can’t not know how to crawl. Once you walk…

And so on and so forth.

I think the milestone I’m struggling the most with is the food thing. Because we’re passionate about breastfeeding, up until this point, I was the ONLY person on the PLANET that could feed Dax. The. Only. Now, I’m not enough for him. Now, he needs more. He needs me still, sure, but he also needs others. And soon, he won’t need me at all.

Ouch.

Physical growth milestones are obviously a great metaphor for our emotional/spiritual growth. You saw that coming right? And, because this is FBDC, you probably expected me to turn the blog post that direction. But NO. Right now, I simply want to whine about the fact that my baby boy is slipping through my fingers at an alarming rate and I’m not handling it well.

BRB researching breastfeeding benefits for people past infancy and how long is too long for co-sleeping. 

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