Monthly Archives: September 2011

diet coke 12-pack: week of september 26, 2011

Alright, kiddos! That wraps up another week of FBDC goodness. I hope you all have a lovely weekend — start it off right by consuming some delicious Internet goodies.

THE LINKS!

That’s all she wrote! Peace, love, and bullet-proof marshmallows,
Lindsay

2 Comments

Filed under eating disorders, faith, God, life, psychology, transformation

things i love thursday! (september 29, 2011)

It’s been a pretty stellar week, no? Everyday I heal a little bit more, physically and mentally, and I have incredible friends and encouragement surrounding me at all times. Life is good, y’all.

Here are some things that made this week beautiful.

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close trailer! (Watch above! And then run out to your nearest bookstore and buy the book and read it and then come see the movie with me when it comes out!)
  • Drinks at Ruby Tuesday, being served by Allee whom I haven’t seen in like a bajillion years (give or take like five.)
  • The first day of fall, even though it felt like summer. (Yeah, Florida!)
  • Pumpkin spice lattes! Nom.
  • “Babysitting” Lori at Finnegan’s Wake.
  • Free t-shirts and keychains.
  • Okay, beads too.
  • GETTING MY POTTERMORE EMAIL FINALLY! (Nerd alert. I ain’t even curr. Username: SunLumos193)
  • The Breakfast Club (aka, my monthly bible study that meets on Saturday mornings.)
  • Pulling off a SUPER FUN event at church.
  • Talking on a microphone. I mean, who doesn’t love that?
  • 2-4-1 at Chili’s. Twice. In one weekend.
  • Seeing my best friend and her sweet boyfriend twice in one weekend! (Even though one time was to see the Noles get served by Clemson. WHATEVER.)
  • Getting my staples out! Finally!
  • Random “I miss you” text messages from friends.
  • Great Facebook wall posts.
  • Lunch with Trisha! Oh how GREAT it was to get out of the office! (Again please?)
  • “The Newcastle Killer,” courtesy of Justin.
  • Hearing about pregnant friends! It never gets old. Yay babies!
  • Laundry done and put away and dishes cleaned thanks to my husband.
  • Oh. And grocery shopping. (Seriously? Blessed.)
  • Sandwich bar.
  • When Emily ran up to me and said, “OH! I have to know — what book are you reading right now?” Love that.
  • Words with Friends.
  • “When You Were Young” by The Killers.
  • Meeting physical therapy  milestones early! I’m going to be running and dancing again in no time! (Well. Like. A couple months. But still!)
  • Diet Cokes come in 40oz bottles now. Oh jeez…
  • You! All of you always make me smile!

What about you? What do you love this week? Jot it down and remember to always be thankful!

Leave a comment

Filed under faith, God, gushes, life, reasons my husband rocks, transformation

why i do what i do.

Soooo this was pretty much the highlight of my day. Not because it talks about me being awesome (though I mean, that’s nice, too…) but because if one, just one, girl can change her thought pattern about her body and her appearance because of my blog…

Well jeez.

That’s huge.

Wow. I am very blessed. Thanks for reading my ramblings, and thanks for accompanying me on this crazy self-love revolution.

<3

Leave a comment

Filed under God, gushes, life, transformation

tuesday tip — create.

The Thursday after I had my knee surgery, my good friend (and art therapist by trade) Suzanne wanted to entertain me and my mom, who was staying with me and taking care of me. So she came over with an easel, some canvasses, and a slew of paints and brushes. I’ve never painted anything for real before (whatever, paint-by-number totally counts) so this was definitely a stretch for me. My mom and Suzanne are both “real” artists (as opposed to me, a not-even-close-to-an-artist artist) so I was a bit scared to even attempt to paint. But, Suzanne set up a few on-hand items (a bourbon bottle and a wine glass, naturally) on my coffee table and, under her guidance, I started to create a “still life” painting. Shockingly, I actually didn’t fail. I wouldn’t so much say I “succeeded” or even “painted” but I did create something using paint.

TODAY’S SELF-LOVE TIP: CREATE

I can’t even begin to describe how therapeutic and calming it was to sit down and create something that simply wasn’t there before. It may or may not have (read: may not have) looked like the still life I was trying to mimic, but my own hands put that thing together. By my movements, what started the day as a blank canvas ended the day a work of… creation (the term “art,” perhaps, may be a bit of a stretch.)

The thing about creation is this: everyone can do it. Everyone can be a creator.

Side note: I have a hard time saying anyone can be an artist, but most modern art has actually proven that yes, anyone can be an artist. I once saw an exhibit in a modern art museum that was a photograph of a woman shoving dollars and change into her vagina. I mean. If that’s considered art, well… I guess anyone can do it.

At any rate, whether you want to use the term “artist” or not, I believe we were all created in the image of our Creator, so it stands to reason that we can all create. And I think creation and art is a wonderful, tangible way to learn how to love yourself. In a world where PERFECTION and BEAUTY and FLAWLESSNESS all sit atop the highest of pedestals, it’s freeing to create something that’s unique, honest, and maybe even a little bit disorganized.

While my painting won’t ever hang in any art gallery ever, it will hang in my house. And it will always remind me that no matter how perfect society pressures me to be, true art isn’t ever really perfect. It’s a unique collection of colors. It’s a messy collection of different-sized brush strokes. It’s priceless and unlike anything else before it. And no one else could have created that painting. Even though Suzanne’s painting looked a lot more professional (and um, more like the wine glass and bourbon bottle in question) my painting was still exactly that: mine. Mine and mine alone.

So. I encourage you to create something. Maybe not a painting. Maybe a sketch. Maybe a sculpture. Maybe a sandcastle. Maybe write a song. Maybe take a photograph of something that matters to you. But at the end of it all, stand back and admire your work. Admire your art. Remember no one will ever create anything like that ever again and, similarly, nothing like you will be created ever again.

2 Comments

Filed under commentaries, faith, God, gushes, life, transformation

YOU GUYS. HEY. YOU GUYS. THIS EXISTS.

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Anna Rexia

That is correct. A Halloween costume called “Anna Rexia,” complete with body-hugging skeleton dress, bone hat, and a frecasdkjfhaking TAPE measure. OKAY. Okay.

Humanity, I’ve been trying so hard for so long but I’m done. I officially give up on you.

Read ABC news’s article here and try not to scratch out your corneas.

9 Comments

Filed under eating disorders, food bytes, life, rants

on authenticity.

Hello there, my lovely readers. I know what you’re thinking: “It’s Friday! Where’s my Diet Coke 12-Pack? I have a super awesome Friday night ahead of me which I plan to devote entirely to wasting on the internet. Where are those links?”

I apologize, friends. But there aren’t any this week. Well, there are, but a conversation my husband and I had last night over coffee (pumpkin spice lattes to be exact!) prompted me to post something different today. Something honest.

Last night Dan and I were chatting about the future of our marriage and what’s next for us and all that good junk, and we talked about the possibility of doing ministry together. Like, grown up ministry. Sure, we minister to junior high kids every week. But let’s be honest — it’s a lot easier to look like you have your crap together when you minister to people at least a decade your junior whose biggest problems in life are passing their vocab tests and not getting grounded for pummeling their siblings. If we feel called to someday minister to adults, we obviously need to make sure we’re healthy enough spiritually and emotionally to tackle that kind of calling.

“Alright then, what’s wrong with me?” Dan asked.
“Huh?”
“What’s wrong with me? Diagnose me! Tell me what I have to work on so that I can get better!”

We chatted about him and his upbringing a bit and finally decided that he needs to work on his cynicism and his laziness. He’s a guy who, as he put it, “has never had to know what it is to work hard — success has always come easily.” This, naturally, is Miracle-Gro for a lazy disposition.

“Okay then,” I turned. “What about me? What do I need to work on?”
“Easy,” he said. “You don’t know how pretty you are. You’re confident, but not enough — not as much as you should be, considering how pretty you are.”
“Really?” I was laughing pretty hard at this one. “THAT’S my biggest issue?”
“Maybe not,” he conceded, “but it is an issue.”

He’s adorable, right? I’m not worthy.

At any rate, I continued to listen to him gush over my beauty while sipping my latte and nibbling at our (free!) pumpkin spice scone. With each compliment about my beauty, I shifted more and more uncomfortably in my seat, fidgeting with my tell-tale knee brace, until finally I couldn’t take it anymore.

“No,” I stopped him. “Listen, the truth is, I’ve gained weight. Like, a lot. I know, because they weighed me right before surgery. My lack of physical activity and the fact that I haven’t been avoiding carbs like the plague is really getting to me. More than I let on, actually.”
He quietly looked at me with concern in his eyes. “Wow. Really?”
“Yes. Yes really. And I feel like a complete fraud and failure with each self-love blog I write knowing that deep down at this very moment, I hardly believe what I’m writing. To be honest, I’m terrified of food at the moment. And I can’t write that.”
“Lindsay, you’re human.” His words were kind, but firm. “It’s your blog. Write what you are feeling. Honestly, people might be able to relate to that even more.”

I’m going to assume he’s right.

The truth is, this knee surgery clustertruck (PG-13!) has really been difficult for me to stomach. For the past two weeks, our dinners have been delivered to us by members of the church. This is a HUGE blessing — with my aggravating immobility, my physical therapy appointments, and the boatloads of money we’ve been shelling out throughout this entire process I have never felt more blessed by something as simple as dinner. But last night, my ED-wired brain turned against me.

You’re really going to eat that? Remember the number you saw on the scale two weeks ago before your surgery? Do you really want to add to that? You know you can’t work off the calories, so why are you even eating them you fat piece of crap? Even if you start working out when you’re fully healed, it will take you forever to work all of this off, if ever. You’re worthless.

Ugh.

I guess this is what it means when I hear someone say, “You’re always recovering from an eating disorder.” You win some (and in my case, a lot!) but you do lose some. If I am to be completely transparent with you (and I fully intend to be) at the moment, I feel like I’m losing, and considering the fact that I won’t be able to exercise like a normal person until 2012 I have a sneaking suspicion the losing isn’t over yet.

And so. I ask for grace. I ask for prayer. I ask for support and love and things of that nature from you, my readers. You all mean so much to me, so much so that I fear writing what I’m truly feeling because I don’t want to hurt you.

But right now, I hurt a little inside (and a LOT on the inside of my knee, LORD.) And I hope you can forgive me for being honest.

THUMBS UP FOR THE TRUTH, YAY!

 

Love,

Lindsay

7 Comments

Filed under eating disorders, food bytes, lindsay vs. food, reasons my husband rocks

things i love thursday! (september 22, 2011)

You thought I forgot about this, didn’t you? You saw the clock ticking away and assumed I was going to let Thursday by without a love list. Ha! I fooled you!

Okay, so maybe I almost forgot about it. But look! I didn’t!

Life’s great for your good pal Lindsay. And here’s why.

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Going through my pictures from Chicago. Look at me, trying to hug the bean! So silly.
  • Infographics.
  • “27 Dresses.” A sugary chick flick with a hole-ridden plot is always good for a grin.
  • Being able to give my mom a keyboard.
  • Spending the afternoon with Alexa. (Even in the bathroom!)
  • Kicking butt at physical therapy.
  • Spontaneous beach day with Lori, Suzanne, and Sarah!
  • NOT getting sunburned! Hooray SPF 50!
  • My church.
  • Florence + the Machine and 30 Seconds to Mars.
  • Coffee.
  • Lunch at Village Inn.
  • Hearing Felicite’s voice again!
  • Dinner at Monk’s.
  • Being blessed by our church family with dinner! Man, we know some good cooks.
  • Sashimi tuna.
  • A (super) small group with Dan and Emily.
  • Margaritas, venting, and event planning.
  • Cuddles.
  • My physical therapist Steve.
  • Ice.
  • Catching up via text with my cousin Brian!
  • Oh hey… 5pm!

Gotta run, lovelies! What about you? If a girl with staples in her knee can smile, you can too! What do you love? What has made you smile this week? Take a moment to jot these things down and be thankful!

1 Comment

Filed under commentaries, faith, God, gushes, life

demi lovato opens up on ellen.

I don’t know if it’s because Dan is a children’s pastor, or if it’s really and truly because we’re both perpetually 12 years old, but we watch a lot of Disney channel in our house.

Like, an insane amount. Dan knows the lineup and everything. (Phineas and Ferb and Wizards of Waverly Place slay me. If either of these two are on, consider me busy.)

I’m not going to lie. Some of the girls on these shows really have me second guessing myself. They’re all so spunky. So fun. So talented. So bloody gorgeous. And a bazillion times more successful as teenagers than I’ll ever be as an adult.

But I’m no idiot. Being that I’m 25 (almost 26, GASP, is this real life?) I had a front row seat to some infamous ex-Disney star breakdowns. (Hello, Bald Britney!) The pressures of showbiz are no joke, and I’d venture to say that a large number of children who go through their most delicately awkward years in front of a camera walk away with some serious issues, and understandably so. Some of them respond like Britney.

Some of them respond like Demi Lovato.

Check out the interview she did on Ellen about struggling through an eating disorder, self injury, bullying, and why she decided to enter treatment.

This encourages me to no end. I think my favorite part of the interview is when Ellen mentions that you have to be healthy to recognize “unhealth.” THAT, my friends, is what this blog is all about. A girl (me) learning how to be healthy in a society that profits off of my unhealthy self-hate.

I’m so thankful that Disney finally has a starlet they can actually, truthfully, literally call a role model. Demi Lovato is a woman girls can not only look up to, but actually relate to. Her recovery inspires me, and I hope it inspires you, too.

And, just as a little side dish, here’s the video for Demi’s single Skyscraper which was written about these issues. It’s beautiful. Enjoy.

Leave a comment

Filed under commentaries, eating disorders, food bytes, life, psychology

tuesday tip — own it.

A week and some change ago, I got a sweet new necessary accessory. Or, as my husband so cleverly coined, a “necessory.” As a result of my ACL reconstruction surgery, for the next five weeks, I’ll be sporting an oh-so-sexy black hinged leg brace. I know I know I know. I’m so trendy. Black leg braces are the new nude legs, y’all. I’m telling you. This time next year, everyone will be doing it.

Okay. Maybe not. But for right now, this is what I’ve got.

Last week, fresh out of the hospital, I took up a  permanent residence on my sofa so I didn’t do much “dressing to impress,” if you will. (Unless, of course, you count sports bras, holey wifebeaters, and plaid boxer shorts the next big thing in fashion.) But at 7AM yesterday, my alarm went off signaling the time had officially come for me to actually get out of bed, get ready, and go out into civilization. Staring at my sad-looking brace-laden leg, I couldn’t help but feel sad. Weak, helpless, and (as screwed up as it is) unattractive and, therefore, a bit depressed.

I really don’t understand how people who live alone survive after knee surgery. There is a special kind of helplessness and humility associated with this kind of recovery. You don’t realize how precious and necessary your knees are until one of them doesn’t work. My husband has to help me do everything. I try to be as independent as I can, but the truth is, I can’t shower without his help. I can’t get dressed without his help. Oh, and my house is in complete disarray. A laundry bomb has exploded. The sink is full of dishes. The carpet is choking on cat hair and desperately crying out to be vacuumed. And there is just stuff everywhere. At this point, everything in my life seems to be out of control and (as I’m sure you can imagine) for someone recovering from an ED, all of this is very frustrating. Being out of control makes me want to do very insane things in order to regain control. (Breathe in, breathe out.)

However!

The fact of the matter is, I can’t do anything about this knee brace for another five weeks. I can’t “walk” (read: hobble) without it, lest my knee buckle under my weight and send me tumbling down, new ligaments re-tearing all over the place.  This brace and the limitations associated with it are part of me for now, as much as it pains me (ahaha I’m so punny.) So. Rather than focus on how much it royally sucks, I’m working it. I’m walking around like this brace is my answer to knee-high boots. The new fall craze! Since it’s black, I’ve been working a black-centric wardrobe. Black accents. Black accessories. Black prints. I love it!

TODAY’S SELF-LOVE TIP: OWN IT.

This reminds me of all the things I’ve hated about my body in the past. My big boobs. My small butt. My giant soccer player thighs. My weirdly distorted ballerina feet. Things that I’ve done insane, stupid, unhealthy things to try to change. If I would have put half as much effort into owning these things as I did trying to starve them away, I could have moved mountains, people. (And no, that’s not some weird Song of Solomon-esque boob pun. Or, rather, I suppose it’s not an intended one. Darn my innate cleverness.)

Whatever you’ve got, work it! Even if you want to change it, and are in the process of healthily transforming your body, don’t hate it where it’s at. Love it. Work it. If you’ve got bangin’ hips, don’t hide them. (Also, I’m mad jealous of you.) Play them up with fun curve-accentuating belts. If you’re, ahem, mountainous like me, have fun with layers and dimensions to spotlight those curves. Do whatever you want.

Just don’t try and change it in a hasty, unhealthy, dangerous way. If you “take off your brace,” if you will, it could be disastrous. You will fall, You will fail. You will be worse off than before. Work what you got, and take the constructive, albeit arduous, steps necessary to reach recovery,  full health, and self-love and I promise you, you will shine.

Cheers, beauties!

2 Comments

Filed under commentaries, eating disorders, life, lindsay vs. food, psychology, transformation

things i love thursday! (september 15, 2011)

Hey people! How’s life? Hope you’re enjoying your week so far. Mine’s been… uh… boring. A whole lot of sitting on my butt watching a whole lot of bad daytime television. But even still, I’m alive, so there are always reasons to smile.

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Morphine drip.
  • Sweet nurses.
  • Being able to pee on my own.
  • Random visits from friends. (By the way, if you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I go visit Lindsay?” the answer is ABSOLUTELY. Just come over. Seriously.)
  • Frozen butterbeer!
  • My left (not broken) knee.
  • Sweet phone calls, text messages, and voicemails.
  • Being able to sleep on my stomach.
  • Ellen Degeneres.
  • Seeing my mom after she’s lost 55 pounds and gotten her diabetes completely under control by diet and exercise alone. (!!!!!!!)
  • Letting my mom “baby” me.
  • Not waking up during surgery.
  • Vicodin.
  • Hamlet and Romeo.
  • “Doing really well” at physical therapy, even though it hurt like a b…
  • The yummy-feeling massager post physical therapy.
  • The Food Network.
  • Having dinner cooked for me.
  • Having dinner BROUGHT to me!
  • The selflessness of my friends.
  • Painting and making jewelry with Suzanne! (See photo.)
  • Phineas and Ferb.
  • My sweet husband.
  • You.

Alrighty, y’all! What do you love this week? Let me know!

2 Comments

Filed under food bytes, God, life