Monthly Archives: May 2011

things i love thursday! (may 26, 2011)

Alrighty lovely people. It’s that time again. Sit down. Breathe for a second, and write down all the things that you loved on this week. I don’t know about you, but I smiled like a crazy person all week. Here’s why:

Me with my friends Dayle and Leah while the bartender forces us into inebriation.

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Surprise lunch at Red Elephant with Andrea!
  • Andrea passing on her very first hula hoop to me prior to her move to San Fransisco. I was so touched!
  • Knowing how to hula hoop. Bam!
  • Dan coming back to town after being gone for a few days for work.
  • Making Dan an AMAZING dinner all by myself! (Spinach and tomato tortellini. NOMS.)
  • Planning to make that same dinner tonight for us and Felicite!
  • Wine as a sleep aid.
  • Getting dolled up and pretty with Dayle and Leah and hitting the town.
  • Arvin! (Before we got our bills, anyway.)
  • Talking about babies, even when we distinctly decided to not talk about babies! (They’re just too darn cute, am I right?)
  • Sharing proposal stories.
  • Listening to pregnant stories.
  • Baked Doritos.
  • The Hunger Games trilogy. (CAN’T PUT IT DOWN!)
  • The Breakfast Club at Cracker Barrel.
  • MARGARITA-FLAVORED WATER.
  • Getting together with four of my favorite fellow book worms/newsies for our Book Club!
  • Loaf of Soup.
  • Used book stores.
  • Being a part of Emily’s 13th birthday present. What a blessing.
  • Live music, especially when the musicians are my friends. Like these guys.
  • Dan Cole doing “the dad thing” and showing me pictures of his adorable kids on his iPhone.
  • Harmonicas.
  • Did I mention margarita-flavored water already? Or am I getting a buzz from this junk?
  • Team Buddhalicious.
  • Elevate and Dr. Cloud.
  • Free sushi!
  • We now own SONIC COLORS and it only cost us $2! Ahhhh! It’s so fun!
  • Accidental (borderline narcoleptic) naps.
  • Rita’s Custard. ZOMG NOMS.

I think that about does it. What do you love this week? Jot it down. It’ll make you feel good inside.

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Filed under faith, food bytes, gushes, life, lindsay vs. food, reasons my husband rocks

dove gets the axe.

The first time I ever saw a commercial for Axe body spray was nearly a decade ago, before my self-love journey began. Even whilst in the mindset that I was a woman and therefore simply an object to men, I was still disgusted by the thought of an ad campaign capitalizing on this paradigm. In case you are fortunate enough to have dodged any advertising by Axe body spray, let me enlighten you:

“Spray more, Get more?” Ew. That’s definitely on purpose, right? Or am I the only one who gets that disgusting innuendo?

Most of the ads are like that. The body spray evidently turns any man (whether he be handsome, ugly, nerdy, awkward, whatever) into such an irresistible sex object that all of the scantily clad women (seemingly represented by only one body type) within a hundred mile radius lose all sense and purpose and do anything to sleep with him. According to Wikipedia, AKA the Internet oracle, this is no accident.

From 2003, Axe advertisements portrayed various ways the products supposedly helped men attract women. In 2004, the advertising for the Pulse fragrance showed how it supposedly gave geeky men the confidence to dance to get women. This was followed by Touch, Unlimited, Clix, and in 2007, Vice was marketed on a theme of making “nice” women become “naughty”. (Emphasis mine.)

Wow. This product is actually intentionally being marketed as one that can manipulate women to sleep with men. Gross.

A few years after I came across the Axe commercials, I found that Dove beauty products were now promoting healthy self-esteem for girls in their “Campaign for Real Beauty.” I found this so refreshing. Finally, a company was combating the pressure society puts on girls to look and be a certain way (very similar to the girls in the Axe commercials: beautiful, sexually promiscuous, and stupid.) I championed Dove. I was so excited. Check this out:

Aww. I feel so good inside after that. You know what, Axe? Screw you! I’m more than my body! I am not an object! I am a beautiful woman!

It’s so good to see one company fiercely combating the misogynistic garbage put out by another company–

Oh I’m sorry, what was that?

Ahem. Um. Ladies and gentlemen, this just in: AXE AND DOVE ARE OWNED BY THE SAME COMPANY.

Huh?

Nope. It’s true.

Unilever (play /ˈjuːnɪlvər/) is a British-Dutch multinational corporation that owns many of the world’s consumer product brands in foods, beverages, cleaning agents and personal care products.

Click here for a full list of Unilever products. Like Dove and Axe.

Ugh. I don’t know; anyone else feel totally cheated? Like we can’t trust anyone who seems to be fighting the good fight?  What are your thoughts?

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Filed under life, rants, transformation

things i love thursday! (may 19, 2011)

HOLY COW, has another week gone by already? Is it just me, or did that week fly by? Either way, lots of things made me super happy this week. So, without further ado, it’s THINGS I LOVE THURSDAY!

Kyle & Kelby - May 14, 2011

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Watching two of my favorite people become husband and wife, even though we all got soaked in the rain. Yay Kyle and Kelby! You guys are awesome.
  • Going on a super fun (and super CHEAP!) double date with Kyle and Kelby two days before they got married. Putt putt, pizza, and a little booze. Win win win.
  • Good thai food.
  • BRIDESMAIDS. Oh. My. Gosh. You HAVE to see this movie. I haven’t laughed that hard at a movie in a LONG TIME. Brilliant! Kudos, Kristin Wiig, you amazing writer/actress/comedienne you.
  • Going on a spontaneous date! Love those!
  • Hearing a song I’ve had on repeat for the past week played at church.
  • Libby’s fake tattoo!
  • Libby’s my ultimate buddy for summer league!
  • Libby! (Haha. Had to.)
  • “See ya at Beef’s!” Wait. Which one?
  • Random lunches with Zack at Crispers. YUM.
  • Having a ten minute conversation with Kylin Poole about crackers.
  • Going out to dinner with my love at Friday’s, even if (I think) the food was the catalyst to me staying up all night with an upset stomach.
  • Being a bachelorette for a couple days while Dan’s out of town.
  • A CLEAN HOUSE.
  • Bubble baths.
  • Strongbow.
  • The Hunger Games.
  • DAN COMES BACK TODAY! YAY! (Being a bachelorette is kind of boring when you have no roommates… save a cat.)
  • Waking up in the same position I fell asleep in. Niiiiice.
  • Dance class.
  • LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE OH MAN IT IS GOING TO BE EPICSAUCE.
  • Remember when people put “sauce” on the end of everything? That’s so retrosauce.
  • Being called “skinny.”
  • Being called “Truly Christlike.”
  • YOU. (Seriously.)

Alright! Now it’s your turn! What do you love this Thursday?

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trying to be something you’re not is as stupid as peeing on yourself.

The first time I remember comparing myself to others and trying to change to be like them was a complete disaster.

I was around four or five years old. I grew up the only girl in my family, surrounded by a brother and endless boy cousins including my cousin and best friend Brian. Since Brian and I were so close in age and in relationship, we were practically joined at the hip. Everything was fine and good, except for one thing: Brian peed standing up. So did the rest of my cousins and my brother. I didn’t understand why I was trained to pee sitting down. Even though I was obviously an anatomical outsider, I hated feeling like I was different from Brian and the rest of my family members. I was convinced that even though everyone called me a girl, I could be a boy if I wanted to. All I had to do was pee standing up. Then I could be just like everyone else.

How hard could it be? I mean, it seemed pretty straight forward. So I marched into my mother’s bathroom, closed the door, pulled down my pants, faced the toilet, and went.

Needless to say, I missed, and I was devastated.

I tried over and over again to perfect this practice, but somehow I was physically incapable of successfully peeing in a standing position. I don’t remember who it was who reasoned with me. It could have been my mother, or my brother, or Brian, or one of my friends.  But when I voiced my frustration, they simply laughed and said, “Well, duh, Lindsay. Of course you can’t pee standing up. You’re a girl!”

And that’s when I gave up my efforts to turn into a boy. I accepted that I was a girl, albeit the only one in my family, and vowed to live life okay being different.

Me and Brian.

But the comparisons didn’t stop when I accepted my gender. As a matter of fact, they got worse.

I started comparing myself to my friends in school. Girls I didn’t even know. Girls on TV. Girls in books. If I was different from a girl I came in contact with I panicked and automatically assumed it was because I was ugly/wrong. If a friend of mine had brown hair, I’d wish my hair was brown. If a girl I knew had green eyes, I’d envy them. If someone was covered in freckles, I’d get upset over my lack of freckles.

This problem got really out of hand when a) I decided to get serious about dancing and b) I started dating boys.

The whole idea of competitive dancing is that you are rarely a soloist. More often than not, you are part of an ensemble, and you are to be completely in synch with and look just like your fellow dancers. As I went through puberty, this proved to be more and more impossible for me. I was the only one with a “fuller” figure and I was constantly berated for it. But, just like I thought I could turn into a boy if I just learned how to pee standing up, I figured I could transform my body into a ballerina’s if I really tried hard enough. So I dieted. I fasted. I cried. I hated my body for not looking the way the other dancers’ did. More than that, I hated that I was failing at changing myself. Therefore, I hated everything about myself.

My first serious boyfriend was a complete and utter douche bag. And that’s putting it lightly. He was mentally and sexually abusive and controlled everything about my life. After making my life a living hell for two and a half years I’ll never get back, he finally broke up with me after sleeping with one of my friends from school. My self-esteem was already null and void by this point, so I assumed that it was my fault that he cheated on me. The girl he slept with was taller than me, thinner than me, a brunette, had brown eyes, and had a personality as different from mine as night is from day. I assumed that because I wasn’t like her, I deserved to get cheated on. The next boyfriend I had wasn’t a douche bag at all, but at the end of our relationship he had developed feelings for another girl and even started pursuing a relationship with her. This time, I was convinced it was my fault he wasn’t interested anymore. So I did actively start trying to be like this other girl. I dressed like her. I talked like her. I acted like her. I even dyed my hair dark brown.

Barf.

The good news about all of that is that it’s in the past. Several years in the past, mind you. And since then, I’ve changed a lot. (I’ve seen a lot of therapists, too.) And, just like I accepted that I’m never going to be a boy, I’ve also accepted that I’ll never not be me. I’ll never not look like me. I’ll never not act like me. I’ll never be anyone else. But me.

However, unfortunately, being aware of the problem doesn’t make it go away. I still compare myself to others frequently. Usually, I compare myself to other women in their mid-20s. Who are wives. Who are artistic. Who are similar to me. It’s like I’m always in a competition with every other woman in this world. When I’m in the right frame of mind, I brush it off and remember that none of this dictates my worth. However, when I’m not thinking clearly, I can easily be beaten into a depression by my own thoughts.

Courtesy: Ashley Poole Photography

But I can’t possibly be the only one who does this, right? In a world currently housing 6 billion people, I can’t possibly be the only person who has ever fought this battle in his/her mind. Right?

I took to my Twitter/Facebook to ask my friends if they ever compared themselves to others concerning looks, life styles, personalities, or anything else:

“I compare myself to people by what other people’s opinion of them is.” – Nikki
“Definitely. I would say we all do in some form based on our need for assimilation. I think SES and morals are two of the biggest factors I use in comparison.” – Ally
“All of the above, mostly with my family members… It gets worse when you have kids, you start comparing them to other kids and yourself to their parents. It’s horrible!”
“I would say intellectually yes. Before it was grades. Now I base my intellectual comparisons on how open minded someone is… Oh and yes weight too. I do it with weight. I always wish my butt was smaller.” – Ali
“If I feel I have something in common with them I am more likely to examine them closely and compare myself to them in other ways such as weight, personality, spirituality, and fashion sense.” – Chantri
“I compare myself to everyone I think has it together more than I do and also any and all women [my boyfriend] Nick happens to have had feelings for or even thinks is interesting.” – Liz
“All of the above. Everyday.” – Magan
“I used to do that a lot In every area. Someone pointed out how unhealthy it is. It’s still a struggle, but I’m working on it.” – Rebekah

Not a single person said, “Nope. I don’t do this. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lindsay. You be crazy.” Obviously this is something that needs to be addressed.

I think most of my friends who commented understand that This. Isn’t. Healthy. Comparing yourself to someone else will never lead you anywhere good. When you compete with others in your mind, there are two possible outcomes:

  1. You win, and you become conceited.
  2. You lose, and therefore become bitter and/or depressed.

That’s it. Really. Those are your options. Not very appealing, are they?

So. Where do we go from here?

You’ve got to become aware of the comparisons. I know that sometimes they happen so swiftly and automatically it’s as if you have no control over them. But you do. Once you notice your mood begin to dip because you’re not as X as her or as Y as him, immediately turn your thought process around. It’s not easy at first, but you need to commit to it. Like I said, I’m not perfect at it yet either. But, who doesn’t love a good rhyme? Memorize this (very true) quote by a very wise man (a doctor, you know) and say it to yourself each time you fall victim to the comparison trap:

 “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
- Dr. Seuss

And if that doesn’t work, remember that trying to be something you’re not is just as stupid as peeing on yourself.

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things i love thursday! (may 12, 2011)

Alright, loves! It’s Thursday! Whip out your journals/blogs/scrap paper and start scribbling down things that you love because you KNOW life is beautiful!

Courtesy: Ashley Poole Photography

 THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Wearing my wedding dress again. (Yeah, it still fits. WHAT!)
  • Being able to spend some quality time with Kylin Poole (see photo) AKA the best thing Ashley and Mark Poole ever did.
  • Evidently making Cabo’s on Cinco de Mayo a tradition for us.
  • A really wonderful dinner with our good friend Elizabeth. She said all kinds of crazy encouraging things to us. It was baller.
  • Defeating fleas in our house. Romeo is almost all clear!
  • My mom and all the fun surrounding Mother’s Day. Love you, Mommy!
  • Hosanna in the highest!
  • Surprising Alexa at Osaka for a (super belated) birthday party and actually not spending a fortune on hibachi!
  • Late night hang outs with Jessica, complete with Chocovine and Harry Potter Clue. (Even though Dan won.)
  • My friends. They are seriously the BEST.
  • Strawberries and $5 champagne.
  • Wedding dress shopping with Chrissie. And (maybe!) finding the dress!
  • Getting an inside-joke-text from Emily.
  • Encouraging emails, particularly one that included a 49-page PDF entitled, “How to Be Creative.” Yessss.
  • Steak & Shake after church with some of said awesome friends.
  • Kyle and Kelby’s wedding is coming up SATURDAY! (Or, as I call them, KYLBY! I know. I’m so clever.)
  • BronxZoosCobra.
  • MY HUSBAND. Can I brag a little bit? Over the past week, he’s put away two loads of laundry, cooked me dinner pretty much every night, brought me lattes to work, scratched my back/legs/wherever else I’m peeling incessantly, accompanied me on guitar while I played keys and sang Ingrid Michaelson (yes!) and just last night he brought me pickles to eat in bed. (Pickles are my favorite food and they are the only thing I can eat after brushing my teeth, what?! Don’t look at me like I’m gross!)
  • Tearful emails that lead to healing and redemption and grace.
  • Grace. Wow.
  • Girlfriends (who aren’t me) being pregnant.
  • Going to a jewelry open house and winning a raffle for $59 in free jewelry! I’m gonna be stylin’ on the cheap, y’all!
  • Lunch with Angie at Tropical Smoothie. Home girl made me laugh so hard I almost shot water out of my nose!
  • CONTEMPORARY DANCE CLASS. Finding my dance studio is seriously the best thing that has happened to me in a while.
  • Gonna start training next week for THIS.
  • YOU. Yes  you. If you are reading my blog right now,  you are currently making me smile.

What about you? What do you love? Comment and let me know!

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Filed under faith, gushes, life, reasons my husband rocks, transformation

big anger.

Next April, I get to be a bridesmaid for the first time for my friend Chrissie! I’m really excited!

One of the most fun things about being a bridesmaid is accompanying the bride to try on wedding gowns. I had the best time doing that when I was a bride (except for a minor snafu at David’s Bridal that resulted in a tearful breakdown, whatever…) and going along with Chrissie has proven to be as fun as I imagined it would be.

Courtesy: Ashley Poole Photography

[This post inspired me to put my wedding gown back on and have fun in front of a camera.]

Last weekend, Chrissie, myself, and a few other bridesmaids/friends were going to go on our second dress shopping trip. Beforehand, Chrissie and I met up and had lunch at another bridesmaid Chelsea’s house with TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress on in the background. It seemed appropriate and, let me tell you, that show is mesmerizing. I’ve been known to silently waste away on my couch as a slave to SYTTD marathons. (Can you ingest crack via cathode tube rays?) However, sadly, my husband and I really can’t afford cable right now so we have been forced to downgrade to the least expensive package until our contract expires in September. Therefore, I haven’t had TLC or seen an episode of SYTTD in ages.

While I was slicing up strawberries to put in our champagne glasses (I know, I’m a classy gal) Chrissie and Chelsea started talking about a spin-off of SYTTD called, Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss. (Now, I may be late to the party on this, but remember, I haven’t had TLC in months.) Naturally, my ears perked up and I demanded to hear more about this.

According to Chrissie and Chelsea, SYTTDBB (I am LOVING these abbreviations!) is essentially the same as the original show, but the women featured are plus sized. My first reaction upon hearing this was nowhere close to big bliss. I was angry. In a big way.

BUT, I didn’t want to get all huffy and puffy about something I’ve never even seen before. That’s not fair to TLC. So I consulted the YouTubes on the Interwebs and watched some promos and short clips of SYTTDBB.

Take a look:

Okay, yep. I’m not happy about this for several reasons.

Courtesy: Ashley Poole Photography

  1. The title itself brings ridicule upon those it features. Unfortunately, the word “big” is not one that society has allowed to be a positive (or  neutral, even) adjective associated with women. In a culture that demands that women need to shrink down to almost nothing in order to be acceptable and beautiful, the title “Big Bliss” implies that these women are outsiders. Awww, how sweet. Outsiders can get married, too. (Seethe.)
  2. This means that on the original SYTTD, producers and other higher-ups had consciously decided that they never want to feature any girls who are plus sized. I can’t believe I never realized this before, despite my failure to pry myself away from marathons. [Edit: A bunch of my super-smart readers have informed me that plus-sized brides have been featured on the regular show. But I must ask -- was their size ever mentioned? Was it ever pointed out? This is your next assignment, readers. Fill me in.]
  3. The issue of their weight is designed to be an integral part of the show. In the interviews, the girls talk about their weight and how comfortable or uncomfortable they are trying on wedding dresses, and I can only imagine it’s because the interviewers are bringing this subject up. This further perpetuates the idea that they should feel uncomfortable in wedding gowns simply because they’re overweight. (Seethe again.)

Nice try, TLC. I bet you thought that by broadcasting a show that features plus sized women that you were doing them a favor. But as a woman toeing the plus sized line, I’m nothing short of completely offended.

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las cosas que me encantan jueves! (things i love thursday, cinco de mayo edition!)

Is that how you say, “Things I Love Thursday” in Spanish? It’s Cinco de Mayo after all…

One of my favorite self-love bloggers puts out a list of things she loves each week on Thursday (her “Things I Love Thursday” list.) She’s called for other bloggers to do the same, so I’ve decided to oblige!

Now, this week has been particularly shiteous, so making this list has been a bit difficult. Difficult, mind you, not impossible! Remember that even in the crappiest weeks, there are things around that can bring joy. You just have to be brave enough to be on the look out for them.

So! Without further ado, here’s my first TiLT list!

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE THIS WEEK:

  • Taking a vacation day Friday to spend the entire day at the beach with Shana (after she completed her next-to-last semester of grad school! Yeah!)
  • Frozen margaritas before noon!
  • A baby in a PINK dinosaur towel (you know, one of the ones that has the dinosaur eyes and spikes on the hood? OMG. ADORBS OVERLOAD.)
  • Both of my bible study small groups. They’re chock full of close friends who are smart, godly, and super fun.
  • SUPERCRAZYTIGHTANDAIRBORN hugs from eight-year-old Levi Case.
  • Talking about overnight police ride-alongs with Jessica over chips and salsa and overpriced taco salads.
  • President Obama (for SO many reasons, but mostly, for this.)
  • America!
  • Babysitting the best, cutest, sweetest one-year-old girl in the whole wide world.
  • Chris Quilala and Jesus Culture (this song in particular. I’ve had it on repeat since Sunday.)
  • IT GETS BETTER.
  • Incommodious, and other fun words of the day, courtesy of Dictionary.com!
  • Playing keys in the worship band. Always so fun and so, so, so humbling to be sharing a stage with such talented musicians while we make some joyful noise.
  • Peeps sushi!
  • Actual sushi dates with Felicite!
  • My incredible husband, and his unrelenting grace and love for me.
  • The fatter half of a bagel.
  • Never-ending back scratching because I’m peeling.
  • Lunch with Chrissie, the very first bride-to-be I get THE HONOR to be a bridesmaid for! And fellow  bridesmaid Chelsea!
  • Sugar-free hazelnut soy latte. ZOMG YUMZ.
  • A clean house.
  • Making music with my husband (and no, that’s not a euphemism.)
  • Making music with my husband (but that is!)
  • The Civil Wars.
  • Hula hooping in Target when they’re obviously trying to close.
  • Finishing off Randy’s Mocha Madness smoothie.
  • GOLDEN GRAHAMS.

What about you? What are some things that made you smile this week? Comment and share the joy!

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Filed under faith, food bytes, God, gushes, life, reasons my husband rocks, transformation